A Good Feeling Returned

I have to confess that, not surprisingly, I've been quite anxious each time I've gotten on a horse in the past year. That tight nervous feeling that creeps up the back of my throat when I see the saddle before me, waiting for me to sit down and pick up my stirrups. I hate that particular feeling and have come to ignore it for the most part when I've ridden recently.

Today, I rode my bosses "baby" again, a big black and well trained gelding named Tyrone. My boss was absent, so I was on my own in caring for and riding him properly. I had to be especially careful with him because of coffin bone and foot problems, so I can't turn him tightly, etc. I got on him and started loosening up when a funny sensation hit me over the head. The entire ride, I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't a physical sensation, but it spoke to me like one.

Tyrone and I flatted for about 25 minutes, walking, trotting, cantering. Since he's so well trained, I can take the opportunity to not worry about what he's doing and focus instead on my riding, making sure my heels are stretched down, I'm sitting tall, being clear with my aids and so forth. Some siblings of a lesson student wandered over to watch, and T and I paused to say hi and chat for a moment. I found myself smiling and answering questions about Tyrone, and then we went on our way to finish his exercise.

On our last canter lap, I let him stretch down and extend his canter, and I stood up into my jumping position to stretch my legs and heels down. I pulled my shoulders up and smiled. Then it hit me; that odd sensation wasn't a presence of a feeling, but an absence. I hadn't tightened up and or been anxious once, and this sensation was the confidence I'd felt years ago when I happily hopped on stubborn horses to jump them without a second thought.

I think it pretty much goes without saying that I'm relieved to have that confidence coming back. I'm fortunate to have been given the chance to ride Tyrone, since my boss is very cautious with him since he's such a fantastic horse. I'm looking forward to more rides with him where I can relax and focus on what I'm doing instead of worrying about what the horse will do.